Washington Post / Examination Article Scrapbook Collage Created by Jaye
And there’s even more to my health story…
Disclaimer:Β I discuss food, weight, intentional weight loss, and my experience with anti-diet culture in this post. I fully believe in body autonomyβyour body, your choice. I am a morbidly obese woman on an intentional weight loss journey. Iβm not here to talk about body aesthetics; Iβm here to talk about a controversialΒ healthΒ topic. I maintain that people are people and should not be judged for their size; we donβt know anyone until we know their minds, hearts, dreams, and souls. If youβre happy with your body and relationship with food, thatβs amazingβyou do you! This is simplyΒ myΒ story.
If youβd told me even a year ago that I would be sharing my sordid story about binge eating, anti-diet influencers, and rapid weight gain inΒ The Washington PostΒ the week of my fifty-second birthday, I likelyΒ wouldΒ have believed you. After all, Iβve wanted to share my experience far and wide for over five years, but I couldnβt find the words.
I finally found my voice thanks to journalistΒ Sasha Chavkin’sΒ invitation to interview me for thisΒ Washington Post/ExaminationΒ collaboration. And now, Iβve gotΒ some words.Β
Health Ideology vs Science
Did weighing myself trigger me to return to a dark state in my mental health? No, but believing the rhetoric of fat acceptance and the pseudoscience of anti-diet culture sure did.
Once Iβd face-planted firmly back into reality, I needed to work through a deconstruction process to figure out why Iβd veered so far off the beaten path of what I know is a healthy weight for my 5β 2β frame. Spoiler alert: it ainβt 300 pounds. But it isnβt necessarily what the BMI says, either. Donβt you love nuance?
Source: Washington Post illustration/The Examination
It took years to understand that while Healthy at Every Size (HAES) is a lovely concept, it is still a philosophyβpractically magical thinking. Philosophy is not science-backed medical advice. The idea has been around for less than twenty-five years; the small study groups and interventions employed to test the theory were mainly done with obese white women and not over a long period, certainly not withΒ randomized control trials. According to thisΒ unbiased Pub Med article, HAES lacks much empirical evidence to be embraced as a widespread public health approach.
βIt is also not yet clear if the HAES approach alone can reduce weight stigma and bias at a population level, without broader efforts to change societal norms and attitudes. Although conceptual debate is critical, it alone may not be sufficient to inform policy and practice without further empirical evidence to address current limitations. Rather than a debate that is polarized, we need to seek a common ground, working together to improve health and well-being for everyone. This requires stronger empirical evidence (i.e., larger, more representative populations), not only ideological discourse, on which to frame the debate.β
βThe National Library of Medicine
While advocates of the anti-diet and HAES movements are enthusiastic about their approaches, it’s important to remember that these concepts are still in the developmental stages and need to be fully supported by extensive scientific research. A cautious approach might be more beneficial for public health, especially for those struggling with obesity and its comorbidities.
Deconstructing My Relationship with Food | Created by Jaye in Midjourney AI
Deconstructing Food Like Religion
I knew how to spot aΒ spiritualΒ charlatan, a fake guru, a self-help grifter a mile away, but health and wellness βexperts?β This was new territory. I was desperate to heal my body and my relationship with food. And thatβs when they get you: when youβre desperate to do theΒ right thingΒ for your health.
Sure, most of these anti-diet influencers and professionals think theyβre helping people, and most may also have good intentions. But while the anti-diet movement is helpful to those whoβve suffered from anorexia, bulimia, overexercise, and ultra-restrictive relationships with food, it is proving to be harmful to those of us on the opposite end of that spectrum.
When you prioritize ideology over science and surround yourself only with like-minded individuals, it’s essential to reassess your beliefs periodically. This introspection is vital to ensure these ideologies do not lead to potentially harmful behaviorsβ¦ like winding up in a cult that encourages overeating.
Church of the Latter Day Mukbangers | Created by Jaye in Midjourney AI
But Have You Ever Been Obese, Sis?
Their advice is best served to those whoβve been underweight. Yet theyβre giving theΒ same adviceΒ to obese people, with promises that weβll heal our metabolisms and our hormones if we gain back the weight. They say our bodies will recalibrate to a natural, healthy setpoint once weβve gained βsomeβ weight. Then, the weight will come back off βnaturally,β as if this stuff is magic and calories in/out are the philosophy, not the science.
When recovering fitness influencerΒ Stephanie ButtermoreΒ decided to document her βall-inβ journey to gain weight after being incredibly thin and much too lean, she wound up being about a size 8-10 after the regain. In other words, her heaviest βnaturalβ weight isβ¦Β average.Β She easily ate 10K calories daily to wind up the average.Β This is a unicorn situation here. Yet people are inspired by it and think it can happen for them.
At a size 22-24, Iβm no Stephanie ButtermoreβI havenβt been a size 8-10 in thirty years. If sheβd had my genetics, this all-in method would have caused Stephanie to go from dangerously thin to morbidly obese. Had she lived even one day in a body over twice the size of her natural, healthy weight, I have a feeling she wouldnβt have been βall inβ anymore.
Stephanie Buttermore: naturally a βnormieβ after her regain
The concept of βeat whatever you want and youβll be okayβ is lovelyβall too alluring for a food addict. It may be overly optimistic to suggest that individuals with a genetic predisposition to obesity can fully heal their bodies and relationships with food using this method alone. A more personalized approach, considering individual genetic factors, may be required. Thatβs why the internet can be such a tangled web: a one-size-fits-all approach does not work.
On the opposite side of the spectrum,Β Tess Holliday, a vocal fat activist, plus-sized cover model, and creator of the hashtag #effyourbeautystandards, honestly thinks sheβs anorexic. People make fun of this, but I understand why sheβs in this mindsetβI was there too. It wouldnβt surprise me at all if, like me, the dots connected her to some anti-diet influencer or dietician whoβs convinced her of this. One who likely has never been obese in their lives.Β (Just a theory, not a fact)!
Food for thought: did an anti-diet coach/dietician convince Tess sheβs anorexic? π€
Most Anti-Diet Influencers DonβtΒ UnderstandΒ Obesity
They donβtΒ understandΒ the hell of carrying over one hundred extra pounds on a skeleton that wasnβt built to withstand that kind of daily strain. If they didΒ understandβbecause theyβveΒ lived itβthey would not be encouraging us to βembrace our fear foods.β They would know that forΒ someΒ of us, certain foods actuallyΒ shouldΒ be a little bit demonizedβ¦ or at least kept out of the house and reserved for a picnic, a birthday party, or a very special occasion.
TL;DR: Some of us donβtΒ needΒ to eat βanything we want,β just as some people cannot be trusted to drink Vodka βin moderation.β If anti-diet advocates truly understood this because theyΒ lived it,Β they would not be telling obese people everything we want to hear: βEat the damn donuts; itβs fine. Youβll be fine. Slay that family-sized bag of fear food chips, queen. Your body knows best.β
This isnβt a war fought within the body. Addiction is a war inside the mind. There is growing evidence to support that ultra-processed industrially-created foods are indeed highly addicting. OurΒ brainsΒ crave that stuff, not our bodies.
Junk Food Dystopia | Created by Jaye in Midjourney AI
Maybe Some Foodsβ¦Β AreΒ βBad?β
Weird Food Fact:
Did you know Kraft Singles need to be calledΒ SinglesΒ because theyΒ arenβt cheese? Theyβre a cheeseΒ product.Β
Yeah, thatβs the world weβre living in.
But βOh, the obesity epidemic!β they say, clutching their pearls while creating even moreΒ productsΒ that mess with our brain chemistry, giving big pharma more reason to recommend a lifetime prescription to Ozempic (another rant for another day).
The WaPo article also laid bare that these people are just giving straight-up terrible advice. I was the literal poster child of that bad advice. And now weβre onto them: #antidiet culture has been hijacked. Itβs now become part of the obesityΒ problem, not the solution.
And wow, those influencers hadΒ some wordsΒ for me.Β One on TikTok concluded that I ate Nutella and cupcakes βat every meal.βΒ Newsflash: no, not every meal. But regularly enough to add on the calories required to make me rapidly gain back fifty pounds.
Calories in, calories out is not a myth. Neither is the fact that ultra-processed foods, even inΒ small quantities, canΒ triggerΒ binge eating cycles forΒ someΒ people.
But like I said, they donβtΒ understandΒ us. Most of them have never been obese a day in their lives.Β TheyΒ may know how to put the chips down. Some of usΒ donβt.Β
Food Sanity | Created by Jaye in Midjourney
Finding Food Sanity
We live in an obesogenic society where profits are more important than peopleβmy war is with what this has done to my body, not with my body herself. My body is aΒ miracle;Β I love her with my entire soul.
The food industry canβt get enough of our money, plain and simple. They engineer foods to be βbliss pointβ palatable. The nastiest food is the most addictiveβjust as theyβveΒ designedΒ it. They also pour tons of money into advertising, including buying off influencers, and theyβve got the jingles to match their intentions: βOnce you pop, you canβt stop.β βBet you canβt eat just one.β
The obesity epidemic in America cannot be reduced to issues of laziness, willpower, or gluttony. It’s essential to consider the economic forces at play. Following the money can provide insights into these systemic issues. Big food has corrupted our food supply. Itβs cheaper and more accessible than ever to get our hands on highly addictive, inordinately caloric foods. Theyβre brainwashing us ever so deliciously. We are dying of Consumption 2.0.
Well, I wantΒ out.
It will take boundaries with myself and with others.
It will take questioning why Iβm βcravingβ a food. It will take fearless, rigorous honesty. It will take seeking credible, scientific studies unrelated to industry and profit.
When I eat primarily whole, minimally processed foods, I feel the most sane. Maybe itβs just that simple?
It feels like an excellent start.
Question Those (Man-Made) Cravings
Sorry, not sorry, #antidiet culture. Iβm not going to βeat whatever I want,β no matter how much you reassure me that itβs perfectly βhealthyβ to do so βin moderation.β Bliss point foods are created toΒ obliterateΒ moderation. Just because IΒ canΒ eat that food doesnβt mean IΒ should.Β
When a friend sees you on Philip DeFranco & sends you a snap of his TV!
If youβve made it to the end of this article, thank you so much for reading! Iβm documenting my recovery process atΒ @JayeWeighsInΒ on YouTube and (occasionally) on other social media. Follow me if youβd like, or βweigh inβ via the comments here! Iβd love to keep this conversation going, no matter your beliefs or lifestyle.
π
~Jaye
This article was first published on my Substack and Medium Blog.
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