Imagine a world where self-transformation isn’t just a product but a lived, deeply felt experience.

Today, I’m sharing my decade-long journey through accidental and intentional self-discovery — messy, profound, and sometimes revolutionary. If you, like me, are weary of society’s “quick-fix” rhetoric yet find yourself impatient with the slow pace of genuine change, this post is for you.

It’s time to peel back the layers of what it means to “Glow Up.”

The Mourning of Lost Dreams

I’ve been in mourning for the last ten years.

For the loss of a marriage that was supposed to be Forever.

For the concept of Forever disappearing in the wake of divorce.

For a singing voice lost in someone else’s dreams.

For the eight-year-old who’d grown up too quickly when a teenage boy got aggressively curious about her early-blooming body one day.

For the spiritual paths that turned out to be scams.

For the family I’d never truly known because I was always running away.

Waves of Grief & Cosmic Storms | Imagined by Jaye in MidJourney

The Myth of Quick Fixes

I had naively thought that a change of scenery, a little weight loss, some romance, and a good haircut would fix a great many things after my divorce.

I’d believed the lies: a spa day and a wardrobe reboot are all we need. Finding another man, or few — as soon as possible — will make us forget our heartbreak. A career pivot, a sexy group of new friends, a grand cruise to a dreamy location — that’s where the transformation awaits us.

Talk about bandaids on bullet holes.

That’s the Hollywood propaganda fairytale of change. The consumerist version of unf*cking your life. And it’s got a lot of us fooled.

We all love a good glow-up diary, an overnight success story, a drastic transformation to inspire… but the real magic is invisible.

Discovering True Transformation

My glow-up happened when I allowed myself to feel all of the feelings. The tears of my ugliest cries birthed supernovas that filled my heart’s blackest holes.

In every breakdown, a breakthrough — even when it only felt like being broken.

In every minute spent afraid of being alone Forever, deafened by the quiet, the silence eventually morphed into a sweet sound of solitude to which I’ve grown rather protective.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I see an ordinary, single, fifty-two-year-old nerd. I also see a twinkle in my eyes, a growing air of serenity, a sense of childlike wonder reclaimed by letting go of Aspirational Me and cherishing Ordinary Me.

In that reflection, I also see a woman glowing back at me… without a makeover, a new man, or reaching a numbers-driven goal.

That woman feels the peace of knowing that being human is messy. Transforming a life we feel we’ve lost means being okay with wherever we are right now — in our grief, in our messes, in our fears, in the quiet. The glow-up is not found in grand visions but in little actions of daily radical honesty.

No Input | Imagined by Jaye in MidJourney

Practical Steps Towards Deep Healing

I found this peace through a combination of counterintuitive and clumsily accidental methods, some of which I’d like to share with you in a less poetic and more practical sense:

• I’ve largely parted ways with religion and self-help, specifically the mega-churches and big online gurus selling courses and tickets to conferences.
• I often ask myself, “How do you feel right now?” and am unafraid to answer honestly and out loud… I also now trust my answers.
• I’ve started listening to my parents. They’re not always right, but they’re pretty damn smart.
• Many times, I’m like two different people now, yet integrated as a whole. I feel and hear my inner parent and child in constant, harmonious dialogue. My inner parent is observational, compassionate, detached, and wicked fun. But she can also be controlling and a perfectionist. My inner child is quick-witted, spontaneous, and creative but can also be whiney, entitled, and prone to instant gratification. I don’t see the two at war with each other anymore; I see them teaching each other to learn and grow. It’s astonishing being outside myself and watching those two work their magic. They’ve taught me how to better communicate with others by understanding how to be more open and honest with myself.

Two Halves of The Whole | Imagined by Jaye in MidJourney

Embracing the Slow Lane

• I’ve embraced going slower. I’ve mostly given up on multi-tasking — it’s bad for our brains. I now focus on one or two important things daily and release the rest for another day. Those other tasks will be there tomorrow, and it’s not life or death if I pump the brakes a little on self-imposed deadlines.
• I put down my phone a lot more. I also keep it on Do Not Disturb and remind myself that Once Upon a Gen-X, I lived without the internet or mobile technology, and *gasp* life was perfectly fine.
• I take time in the morning to sit and do nothing. No hobbies, books, music, TV, striving, learning, eating — nothing. I call it a “no-input morning.” I had to honestly begin that ritual by setting a timer. I struggled with even five minutes of nothingness at first. Now, I embrace it completely, enjoying that space with nothing but my breathing, my cats, the sunlight, a cuppa — whatever makes me feel calm and content. I’m up to about twenty minutes a day now, and it’s made an enormous difference in my emotional ability to self-regulate the rest of the day.
• Finally, I’ve gotten fed up with the notion of fast — fast food, fast fashion, fast lanes, and fast turnaround times. Why speed up a life that deserves to be savored? I’m embracing the slow lane, and let me tell you, it is beautiful to enjoy the scenic route!

These small acts of rebelliousness have taken profound patience to cultivate. Still, in time, they have built a foundation of awareness, self-respect, and boundaries I’ve never had in all my half-century.

The Invisible Glow-Up

My midlife glow-up diary can’t be documented in a vlog or written about — not overtly. It’s invisible to the eye and felt in the soul. It didn’t happen overnight; it happened over difficult conversations, deconstruction, questioning, asking for help, getting medicated, and accepting personal responsibility rather than wallowing in victimhood. On repeat.

Focusing on who I am today is a sweet relief. I don’t know what Future Me looks like or what she’s doing with her life, and it’s made life more exciting. I’ve stopped Vision-Boarding and trying to control. I’ve released all attachments to that Someday person and instead embraced who I am right now.

And in that release, I have Glown Up.

Share Your Journey!

Now, my dear readers, it’s your turn.

How do you feel about quick fixes, transformations, and glow-ups? Have you encountered any small, surprising, random rituals that have become your safe space? Does the thought of slowing down terrify you? Please keep the conversation glowing in the comments!

With all my heart,

~J. 💖

PS: I got a new haircut this week, and I do admit: that shit does help too! *giant wink*

This article was first published on my 50 Shades of Jaye Substack and Medium Blog. Did you enjoy this post? Please consider subscribing to my (free) Substack newsletter! I post everything there first from all of my magical platforms. I also think that Substack is The Future for writers and creators, so… check it out and see how amazing it is over there! 🤓✨💖